The infamous "Hatfields and McCoys" were feuding neighbors with a decade-long conflict that resulted in 12 people killed. A landlord recently killed his tenant over a dispute. An anger-management therapist is arrested for killing someone out of anger. Two brothers have not spoken for years because of a dishonest act. A spouse remains bitter for years. A child has become estranged. Does God care about all of this conflict? Does he give us direction on how to prevent and resolve conflict?
Peace is of such high importance to God that a healthy relationship with him is dependent on our desire, thoughts, and deeds to make peace with others, even to the point of loving them when they are not lovable. Jesus must have stunned his listeners when he said, "You have heard it said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in Heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48).
Imagine if Jesus Called you "Son of Thunder"!
Jesus called his disciples, the brothers John and James, the "Sons of Thunder". Scripture gives us a clue as to why they earned that name. The disciples walked with Jesus towards Jerusalem, came upon a village, and asked the locals for a place to stay for the night. But they were snubbed, and unfairly so. So what did James and John suggest? Did they call for loving these enemies? Did they turn the other cheek? Did they get on their knees and pray for those lost souls? No, they took a different approach. They said, "Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?" (Luke 9:54). Wow! It just got real. Sometimes, we might imagine that a well-placed lightning bolt could knock some sense into somebody who has hurt us. But Jesus rebuked the brothers for their thoughts.
Had John and James had their way in that village, I doubt that the surviving Samarians would have ever come close to thinking John had anything to do with love. But interestingly, John lived for a good while longer, and his tone changed. He used the word "love" (or related words) more than 40 times in 1 John and became known as the Apostle of Love. He remained fervent in his desire to follow Jesus but had matured in understanding what that meant.
Do You Remember What Happened When Job Questioned God?
There is no better way to resolve conflict with others than to first and foremost consider what God wants. But too often, we jump into the fray believing we know best, only to discover that we are overly confident. In Isaiah 55:8-9, God said, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the early, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Job was apparently very intelligent, but when he questioned God, wow, did he ever get an earful! "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?, God asked Job as the first of a series of rhetorical questions. (Job 38:4-30). In the end, Job confessed and repented for questioning God. So, we have a choice, either the "DIY" approach or the lean on God's wisdom" approach. As we get acquainted with scripture, we learn it goes much better for those who lean on his wisdom. Check out this video called "My Understanding? Maybe Not."
Here are Some Scriptures to Help with Confict!
If you are interested in free audio and text scripture for topics that include strength, love, joy, temptation, and more, click here. Here are some verses about conflict that can help get us jump-started, but we must remember, the Bible is about context! To understand the meaning of a particular scripture, it is always best to study chapters and books. Okay, here we go.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
James 4:1-2 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
Ephesians 4:26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Matthew 5:38-39 You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
1 Corinthians 13:47 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong-doing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also much forgive.
Romans 12:17-21 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Matthew 5:24 Leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Romans 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Luke 17:3 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him,
Leviticus 19:18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the songs of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.
Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
James 1:19-20 Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Matthew 18:15-17 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Watch These Leading Pastors Answer 4 Questions
The Gospel Coalition generously provided us with some great Q&A from some highly respected pastors. We have placed some of that work into this video, "4 Questions-4 Answers", and their work helps give us better insight into who Jesus is, which in turn helps us with conflict. It's worth a watch.
A Short Prayer To Help Us With Conflict!
God cares deeply about our conflicts. He gives commands to us so that we might avoid and resolve conflict and does so out of his love for us, knowing what is best for us and what we need.
Lord, thank you for your Word! Thank you for caring about me and loving me despite my shortcomings. Teach me to respond differently to conflict. Cause me to love others like you do, even when they have hurt me, and remain insensitive to the pain they have caused. Give me the courage to ask for forgiveness. Make me quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Amen!